Monday, March 26, 2012

Missing it

We were in dire straights here... lack of sleep was pulling at our every fiber. Tyler is working swing shift, so he would get home at about 2am every morning, try to sleep by three, and then we would silently fight over who got to sleep in. I think we were very fair for the most part :)
Above are pictures of Tyler taking the kids to the zoo (he also took them to the donut shop) so that they would be out of the house until 11am. From 8 until 11am, I got uninterrupted sleep.
It was bliss.
But I missed this.
I missed every second of that trip to the zoo.
Tyler told me there is somethings special about that place early in the morning before everyone gets there. When the animals are waking and roaming around their pens.
The kids LOVE this zoo. It is small enough to get through in a couple hours, and there isn't a bunch of hype.
But there is a train... which they love too.

I felt sad when they came home.
Well rested, but sad.
I would never get to be in those memories for the kids. I would be at home sleeping.
I didn't get to see the way Colton gazed at the red mained wolf, hoping to catch a glimpse of the new pup in the enclosure.
I didn't get to see the wind whipping Ayla's hair everywhere.
I didn't get to see them watching the alligator move.
Or the mountain lions stalking our jogging stroller (!)

I hate missing things.
Maybe that is why I am scared to send the kids off to school. I will MISS them all day. I think this is a sad part of being a parent. Especially a stay at home parent because the parts you miss are so little, but they hurt all the same.
Next year, when the older two are in school, I am thinking of sending the younger two to daycare so I can start on my degree and knock out some prereqs for my dream job (if there is such a thing!)


Pam said...

Ok, Brooke, no matter what you do as far as sending the kids to preschool or daycare to go after a degree you are going to miss parts of the children's lives! You can't be with them every minute! Go for the degree, if you must, but realize that you will never have this time with your kids again. What will be more important in the long run is that you are their hand-on parent when they need you most and you need them. Time goes so slow but yet it goes by so quickly! Years are like sand flowing through your fingers. Treasure your life now. You will never regret it, I promise you! Love, mom (Granna)

Brooke said...

I know I can't be with them every minute! but it is hard to know that they are creating "other" memories that don't include me!
It is also hard to remember that they ARE NOT extensions of myself, but just their own little self. But I do try to treasure the time with them right now... most of the time :)