making our easter eggs

The kids had a great time the night before Easter hand painting some eggs... Ayla tried to eat it as she went along, and a couple got dropped on the floor. But all in all, it turned out great. Tyler painted an awesome globe... he is such a geography geek!
The house has returned to our "normal" without Noah, but we still find ourselves missing him a little bit!

And the end comes so soon...

What a cutie!

The kids showing too much love to Noah!

Colton warming up to the little man...

Ayla "helping" feed Noah...

Today was our last day with little Noah. And although I kind of pushed him getting placed with family faster than normal, I was unsure of how to really feel today. On one hand, I felt a weight lifted off of me from the enormous responsibility of taking care of someone else's precious little one; and on the other hand, I felt a bit of a loss. Noah was such a typical little boy with giggles and smiles most of the time (spit up and crying the rest :) ). So it has been a mixed bag.
However, he did go to a relative that also has small children, so I am happy that he has people who care!
We said our goodbyes, and he left as quick as he came... 4 weeks sure goes by fast! After he had left, we packed up the two kiddoes and headed for a picnic in the park... Colton and Ayla LOVED it. And it was pretty easy only having two. Ayla got some new Croc's (fake ones) that she decided she wouldn't take off until bedtime... they are bright pink and brown - really cute!

Ayla and Colton were transferring the last of our snow to the dump truck to transport to the middle of the yard to melt... in their underwear! It has been so beautiful here and the kids have been outside just loving it!

Better, but still crazy!

With the great weather that has come our way, the kids have been spending a lot of time outside, which is awesome! They go in and out the doggie door, and they play in the rocks and little playhouse. The only drawback is that I usually don't go with them (because of Noah) and I watch from the windows, but the kids fall or something and think it is the end of the world, so they cry; very loudly!
As for life with Noah, it is still very hard. I really hope that a family member will step up and take them into their home. That may sound selfish on my part (maybe) but really the whole guilty feeling I feel everyday is not worth it! Noah requires 24 hour constant care and holding (minus the sleep, which is sometimes good and sometimes bad); Ayla sure takes a lot of attention also (she is a complete mama's girl!) and then Colton requires a minimal, but still a good amount of attention to keep him occupied. That adds up to a whole lot of hours for Tyler and I!!! Those of you that have more than two kids, I commend you! Also, Mom and Dad, thank you so much for taking such good care of us and not giving up on us!
It is so different having a child in your house, that you are responsible for caring for, without them being YOURS. The brain is a miraculous thing, but I still can't wrap my mind around the reality. A kid is such a precious thing, that you are constantly failing in some way, but for the most part, you can hope that they learn a little from your mistakes!
Hope everyone is having a great Wednesday... so far so good for us (except for my HUGE headache!)

Being a mom

I struggle every day being a mom; or rather being what I believe a mother should be. I set high expectations and find myself failing on a regular basis! And choosing to become a foster mom makes me believe that I truly am a glutton for punishment, AND my suspicions that I am crazy are definitely confirmed! This is the hardest thing I can remember myself actually agreeing to ... taking in someone else's child, who most likely had some sort of problems at home. And a newborn at that! Newborns tend to suck the life right out of you, with the lack of sleep and the constant crying and feeding and spitting up and ... the list goes on and on. Add a one and two year old, and it is a recipe for disaster.
For the last three weeks, our lives have been turned upside down. There are times I find myself yelling shut up at a 2 month old! "It is only gas, for christ's sake!" There is a switch that you have to actually choose to leave in the off position, or else something might break loose and wreak havoc. As a family, we have decided that fostering newborns is not in the cards at this moment... it has not been a completely negative experience, but finding something positive is kind of hard too. (And I am only talking about me and my family. We know that Noah has had positive experiences being here, and we take care of him the best we can!) It has just been a pretty hard transition. I am so grateful to have friends that have been there and done that, and assure me that three kids is very hard!
I absolutely love being a mom and would do anything for my kids. They mean the world to me, but there are also times when I want to jump out the window!

A girl and her blankie

Ayla is completely obsessed with her blankie... or biddie as she calls it. It is a wonderfully soft brown and pink blankie given to her by my cousin, Nicole, and we have put it with her since she was brought home from the hospital. But only recently has it become her obsession. I made a scrapbbok of 2008, and was looking at it for the first time with the kids... Colton pointed out everyone and tried to say all the names, Ayla pointed out all the pictures with her blankie in them. Most I hadn't even noticed! She wants to bring it downstairs when she wakes up; take it in the car; into stores; and now outside! We think it is very adorable, but have decided to limit it to indoor use!

We had another beautiful day here in Montana, and we actually got one project completed... well, almost! The playhouse now sits on little pea gravel, and the kids can scoop and dump to their hearts content... and Colton did today! It looks great, and when it is finished being painted, it will look even better!
Hope everyone had a great weekend, and enjoyed some nice weather!

Some new things

Yesterday, I actually got a couple things done with my pile of pillowcases outside! Yeah! I made five different little skirts and dresses, and they turned out so cute! Out of one pillowcase, I can make a 2T or 3T skirt and a sweet little dress for a 3-12 month old (or could be used as a shirt for an older girl) but they are turning out so cute, and I love to find and add the cute ribbons and lace! I feel so much better when I have time to create something!
What do you think?

Today is a beautiful day here in Montana, and we have some lofty yard plans slated for today... wish us luck!

And the sickness continues!

Yes, it is true... we must have pretty weak immune systems around here! Just seem to be sick constantly... although I have to wonder if it has a little to do with lack of sleep? Last night, Noah did his share of keeping us up (when will we learn to go to bed before 11pm?) since he has a stuffy nose, and breathing while lying down seems to be agonizing for him... but Colton did his fair share of wake-ups, and amazingly, kept calling for Mommy! This is only weird because he is pretty consistant at calling for Daddy... well, he called me into his room saying there was a monster under his bed at 3 in the morning! Kids have such an imagination, but it was too cute to be annoyed with, so I just told him that the bear by his bed ate the monster and would protect him from future monsters, and this seemed to appease him - for a little bit. He eventually came in and slept with us at 5am.
Tyler went to the doctors this morning (for the first time since we moved here actually) and he might have a case of strep throat.. so that is the sickness that is continuing... who knows how long it will last.
Now on to a very prominent subject in our home... foster care and what it has done to us as a family. Noah has only been with us a little over two weeks, but we feel that we have learned so much about ourselves and our family as a whole. Even though he is only about 11-12 pounds, this little guy has brought out the worst in us at times and probably brought out the best in us at times. Patience was something that I thought I had my fair share of, but come to find out, I am completely lacking in this much needed area. I find myself at wits end multiple times a day, wondering if I can make it until bedtime! There are feelings coming out of how this will affect Colton and Ayla when they are older, and this is a huge struggle for me! Are we doing the right thing for our family? Is it worth it? Then I look at Noah, and realize how little and innocent he is, and my heart melts to think about what this little guy is receiving from us... stability, round the clock care and love from us (even though at times it is hard to express it to a 2 month old!) The unknown in most foster care situations seems to be the biggest struggle... you don't know how long this child will be a part of your family, and you don't know enough about this child's past, and you probably won't know much about their future either. You are only their caregiver for THIS moment, and you can't expect any more or less. But getting through the jumble of feelings is difficult, and sleep is hard to come by around here, but we are doing the best we know how to, and we intend to keep it up. But we may change our foster care profile to no more newborns for the future! They are pretty tough for the majority of the time.
Especially when you have to overcome the ever present obstacle of them not being yours.